Monday, February 27, 2006

I Have Layers...

I think I have finally figured out why the Air Force personnel are always so unhappy with the Army camps. I have been here a little more than four days and all I can say is wow. To be honest it is not as "hooked up" as it has been said to be. But it does have its little upsides. Take today for example. A beautiful woman put her hands on my nearly naked body. Which when I put it that way makes it seem dirty. I had a massage. It was a great massage, although there is no such thing as a bad massage. And it was nice that she was Asian and incredibly gorgeous, (this may not be known to everyone but I have a total addiction to most women of Asian descent) infact now that I think of it, I like ethnicity in general. My last couple of love interests have been of one ethnic descent or another. Ah diversity life’s little gem. I am such a tool. As I have said I have been here a couple of days. And I haven't done anything yet. I have gone to the gym, I have a new work out plan that RFG has come across. (Which I have decided to hate more than the previous work out plan) It bothers me some times that I am so big. Today while I was having my massage I happened to catch a glimpse of both myself and the masseuse in the mirror. I was easily almost three times her size. A good comparison would be Shrek and Princess Fiona, before she turned into an ogre. Hmmm Ogres are like onions... and I guess I am as well... I have layers. My first official night of work will be tomorrow. I somehow have managed to be put on the graveyard shift for the third consecutive time. I'm starting to wonder if people would rather only look at me at night... I honestly didn't think I was all that hard to look at. (On the other hand I did just compare myself to an ogre and at least half of you are still laughing at the visual.) Apparently this is only for a short time, as soon as it starts to get really hot I'm sure they will move us to days... Why because that is how they do things here. My new duties include but are not limited to, Roving Guard, lookout and basically fix it guy... should be tons of fun.... There are something like a billion birthdays between yesterday and today... so Happy Birthday RFG! To the Twins and to Fellin hope that all of your birthdays are filled with joy.

Random slightly funny but true fact.
Salt Lake City Utah consumes more Jell-o than any other place in the United States

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Scavenger Hunt. Or Good Morning Tallil Air Base

As soldiers there is a game we play every time we get to a new post. It is sort of like a scavenger hunt. It is done mostly back in the states but when you move as often as my fellow soldiers and I have recently it becomes a sort of adventure. There is a list of seven things (or places as it were) that are high on priority list. These seven things in no specific order are as follows...
~Where are the nearest bathrooms in your living area?
~Where are the nearest showers? (Although these two are normally close to one another they are always separate. I have no Idea as to why)
~Where is the Dining Facility? (This question is usually the first asked because it’s almost a given you will have missed at least one meal before or during your convoy.)
~Where is the PX/Haji Shop? (You never know when you might feel the urge to buy a lot of stuff you probably don't need.)
~Where is the MWR building/tent? (Morale, Welfare & Recreation)
~Where is the internet/phone building/tent? (What would one do if he couldn't send his blog?)
~Where is the Laundry place, (Heaven forbid we do our own laundry when we can take it to someone else at free of charge.)
And the question that is almost always asked after the first tour...
Where are we???
Today was no exception to the game except that we had something new to look forward to. For the first time in three and a half months almost all of the Wright Worlders are on the same post, the only person that hasn't made it yet is the Haji. And he should be here in a month or two I think. I found where the Mexican lived although he was at work and wouldn't be getting back until much later. I actually spoke to The Troublemakers roommate and managed to get a dirty look.., (It has been so long since the troublemaker was in my blog that I can not remember what her name was before, Oh well she has a new name now) other wise the day has been pretty uneventful. I ended up driving the lead truck in the little mini convoy, which as it turns out only lasted all of ten minutes, I could have walked to Tallil from Cedar II. Oh well... Oh another fun little tid bit I managed to get my own trailer for the time being. The person that was supposed to be my roommate has a new mission that is keeping him at Cedar II. While I am sure it won’t last long it sure has made some of the higher ranking people less than amused... As everyone is supposed to have a roommate. Go Me!

Slightly disturbing Fact of the Day:
I was completely NAKED the entire time I was writing this Blog....

I'm kidding I am in full uniform, but the fun part is I could have been!!!!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Poem, An Epic WWII Game And The Chess Champ

Because I haven't done so in something like 3 years, I wrote a poem today. In all honesty it has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of days, The poem is more of a confession than a composition. The under lying story is true, it did happen. I think this is sort of my way of trying to get some kind of closure, but then it could just be me venting in a more structured way. I usually have a strict policy against poems that rhyme, because for the most part they always seem very fake to me. I am offering this poem to all of you in hopes that you will remember a mistake you made, maybe not a mistake from a long time ago, maybe the mistake you made yesterday that left you starting to feeling guilty this morning... I will not apologize for my mistake. I will do my best to learn from it.

Walked Away

I opened my heart to you one day,
and you walked away,
I bared my soul,
you walked away and left a hole.
I told you there was more growing inside of me than fear,
you weren't there long enough to hear.
All my secrets you knew from the first day,
without hesitation you walked away.

It's been said before that you are nobody until somebody loves you,
So I have to ask who am I if I am one minus our two?

It was no secret the first time we met,
Our fates on separate paths were set.
You broke a promise to a man I'll never know,
And I was nothing more than a guest star on your show.
I played father to your son,
And in all honesty that was truly the most fun.
and still, within less than a day,
almost effortlessly you walked away.

Two years later my heart is still a constant flutter,
I can hardly mention you name with out a stutter.
Everyday a memory slips through the wall I've built.
most of them happy, some dripping with guilt.
In twenty-six years of life, I've always done the right thing,
In my entire life you are my one wrong doing.
Our time together is my favorite mistake,
and proof that one can not have and eat his cake.
All I wanted was for you to ask me to stay,
In reality it was I who walked away.

I make no excuses, I except all the blame.
Without you nothing has been the same.
I begged and pleaded to hear three simple, incredible words.
Now I would give you the world to go back to the way we were.
Go back to before that day.
Before I walked away
A.J. James Brooks 2006

I literally have had nothing to talk about for the past couple of days, all we have really done is play board games for disgustingly long hours... I have played two games of Axis & Allies that lasted over 14 hours each. (I always play Japan in that game it drives Barbie crazy he said it's unAmerican, LOL) I have played 3 games of chess. The first and last of which I completely obliterated my opponent (Barbie) Although in his defense he spanked me in the second one and had me on the run for a long time in the third. Although only I can claim to be the Chess Champ! We are set to finally move to our final destination sometime tomorrow, which means another fun little convoy... This one should only take about thirty minutes or so, which means it should go off with out a hitch... (one can hope) and now I must say good bye. I don't normally beg for comments but I would truly like to know what each and everyone thinks of this poem. Does it sound apologetic? Does it sound needy or whiny? Can you feel my underlying pain? Do you think less of me now that you know one of my greatest mistakes... Tell me what you think....

Random fact of the blog
52% of men will cheat at the first opportunity, 88% percent of woman will not cheat unless there is something lacking in their relationship.
77% of percentages are made up on the spot! Grin!!!!

Friday, February 17, 2006

These Things I Have Learned

It's late and I have to get up stupid early tomorrow to take a physical fitness test that I am not excited about... Because even though I have been going to the gym I haven't lost a lot of actual mass and when I get taped I'm prob not gonna make it. Which makes me cranky... I learned today that if I play board games with RFG and Barbie, I am probably not going to win... We played a 5 hour game of risk earlier and while I nearly annihilated Barbie I didn't completely do it, so RFG wiped him out and then wiped me out... Then we played three games of Uno and I one two of the three, and then after dinner we decided to give Risk another shot and For the first 2/3rds of the game it looked as though Barbie was going to just slaughter us, but then he spread himself to thin and we once again weeded him out, and RFG used me to thin him out and then wiped up after me and spanked me once again... grrr. As I said earlier I found out a 6:30 pm tonight that I have to take a physical fitness test tomorrow at 6 am... And I am just not pleased about the lack of any kind of warning.... But what can you do? I saw this next little bit once before and came across it on my little sisters web site.... Thought I would share it with all of you.... As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more then once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually loose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.... Isn't that the truth? So I am off hope that you are all well this day and remember to smile.... You might just make someone's day a little brighter...

Random impulse Buy....
Undiscovered with Ashlee Simpson, It's an independent film about an up and coming singer/song writer (not Ashlee Simpson its a male character) and the up and coming model/actress he met in passing on the other side of the country two years earlier... A romantic comedy and a complete chick flick but I loved it.... Go figure...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Welcome To The Mud

I honestly can not figure out why Cedar II is so full of mud... I mean sure we had mud in Scania, but it was nothing like it is here... In the immortal word of RFG it is ridonkulous... LOL He was just telling me the other day that I am always stealing the words he says... Yeah he's right... Eh sue me... So I had to move from my tent today, it actually turned out to be a good thing because originally they had us like as far away from everything as possible. Now I am at least much closer... And the tent I am in is a little bigger than the one I slept in last night so that makes me oh so happy... I almost forgot, Barbie is here now too... I was so happy he showed up last night right before dinner... So atleast I am not here by myself... He and I have been fighting the boredom as much as possible... Mainly we watch movies... I really need to invest in some kind of life... Can you buy a life??? I mean I know you can't buy happiness.. (Although I hear in Vegas you can rent it for a small sum) I have the oddest problem with words I am constantly using the wrong words in sentences, for example as I was writing the last sentence I wrote "some" instead of "sum" How lame is that??? I do that so often it amazes me I speak write in English at all... hmmm maybe I'll start writing in Deutsche (That is German for all you American folk) Hab diech Lieb hmmm maybe not....
Random Fact of the Blog:
The word "Taser" is actually an acronym for Thomas A. Swifts Electric Rifle I actually learned that watching the Bewitched movie... How random is that???

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy V-Day or Good Afternoon Cedar II

So let me tell you about today... First of all as I am sure you have noticed today is not a normal post day. But it is a holiday so I am making an exception ( I will rant on how hallmark created this holiday later) First and foremost Happy V-day! This is by far one of my least favorite holidays. Although I am sure that there are very few single people in their mid-twenties that enjoy it. It really is a crock... But that is neither here nor there... As I stated last night, I was scheduled (pronounced shedueled because I like the way the silly Brits yammer on) to leave Scania sometime today. After staying up far later than I should have I woke up at a quarter past seven and RFG, Barbie and I went to breakfast. After we finished breakfast we gathered up my one duffel (grrrr) and my backpack.. And started trudging towards the office, after we got there My favorite Samoan (former platoon sgt) told us he had no Idea when we were leaving it could be as late as midnight... (grrrrr) RFG did a little recon and managed to get us on a convoy that was scheduled (like the Brits darn it) to leave at around 0945 so we met up with them and found our hummv, after spending 5 minutes with these people I began to get a little nervous, they were a rambunctious group (at one point one of the females was on top of a Hummv dancing and stuffing dollar bills into interesting parts of her uniform) before we were set to leave we found out that this trip would be our drivers first ever experience driving a military vehicle (oh joy) This made Brownie (the only other guy from my unit with me on this misbegotten adventure) very, very nervous... I tried to behave as though it was no big deal. But I was none to thrilled myself. Five minutes later the TC (truck commander) turned around and looked at me and said "I'm exhausted I need to sleep can you TC for me?" being the oh so nice guy I am (read spineless ninny) I said I would. And then we were off... I counted something close to 12 dead doggies on the road, and while listening to the radio decided that only I in my sort of luck could hitch a 3 hour ride with the mobile Goof Troop... They were out of control, never before have I seen such a lack of military discipline. (That is a lot funnier if you have spent more than 5 minutes with anyone from my unit) So 3 hours later (and after one potty break lacking any degree of modesty) We arrived safe and sound in Cedar II. After we arrived, it was brought to Brownies and my attention that we had no idea where we were supposed to go... So we wandered around a very muddy area and finally lucked into someone from our unit. Supposedly we are only supposed to be here for a couple of days, (and by the looks of the place where we are supposed to sleep tonight I can only hope it wont be any longer than that) But a few people are under the impression that we are to become permanent party... All I can say to that is hellllllll NO!!!!! With all do respect of course... So my way of coping with being far away from all my friends is to spend money, As of right now I have been here two hours and I have already spent one hundred and seventy six dollars on movies... 8 movies to be exact, 5 of which can only be described as teenybopper-chick flicks, and two of which are classics (The Fly & The Fly II) and the last an action flick... Eh I was slim on choices. Thank goodness for the local PX and a debit card. grin...

Random question of the Blog:

Why do people ask How are you? I mean how many of them ask that and then start talking about them selves???

Monday, February 13, 2006

Good Night Scania...

Some days just suck. Today really all in all wasn’t a bad day, although there were some stupid bad moments. I found out today that I will be one of two people hitching a ride down south tomorrow. Which means that today is technically my last day in Camp Scania, Which I am not altogether thrilled about… They don’t know what time I’m leaving but I have to be ready to go at 0900am. Actually I am not complaining about that. Honestly that could have been much worse, my problem comes from the fact that after I had packed all of my stuff, (You would not believe how much crap I have accumulated in the last four months.) I was told I was only able to bring one of my bags along with me. Which means I had to unpack practically all of my bags, (which include two duffle bags one rucksack three foot lockers and a tv and my black backpack.) And rearrange them so that the one bag I’m bringing will be able to hold all the crap I might need for the next week or two. Because in my unit when they tell you something is going to happen in a day or so they mean two to three weeks. I did manage to make a fool of myself in the shower again today. If you are polite you will pretend to be surprised at this point. This is a two part story first of all I have one particular stall that I prefer to use. It has the best shower head and well darn it I like it. (I swear to you I am dragging my feet towards a point.) Anyway I stepped into my stall put my shower gel and what I thought was my shampoo (I’ll get to that in a minute) on the little ledge and went to put my towel on the little hook and the guy in the stall next to mine has his towel on his hook and his underwear on my designated hook. (If you don’t know already I am sort of neurotic.) Anyway I made a comment about how some people are so inconsiderate. I kind of shrugged it off and put my towel on the shower stall across from me. I guess senor underpants heard my comment because he knocked my towel onto the ground on his way out. Some people sheesh. So while I was in the shower I attempted to wash my hair, I poured what I thought was the shampoo into my hand and rubbed it in, but for some reason it wasn’t lathering up, so I thought I must not if used enough shampoo so I poured more of what I thought was shampoo into my hand and after massaging into my hair and trying to figure out why it still wasn’t lathering up it suddenly dawned on me that I was putting lotion in to my hair. Now in my defense both that bottle of lotion and my shampoo are white bottles with blue caps, the bottles aren’t identical but as I said before it has been a long day… Ah well at least my hair is smoother than normal. So yesterday I sat on a camel. Yep a real live camel I took pictures and everything, this is a huge deal, the last time I was in Iraq I didn’t see one camel the entire year I was hear. I wanted to actually ride the camel but the haji guy only let me sit on it. Eventually I will be able to put pictures on this blog and I will put them up. I also got to feed a baby camel, oh so very cool. I am such a complete tool.

Random quote of the day.

“I wish I had an answering machine for when I’m walking around town and I run into someone I don’t want to talk to. I can just say ‘I’m sorry I’m not in right now please leave a message so I can walk away’ ” Jerry Seinfeld - Seinfeld

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Some Times We Sing...

The past two days have been a sort of transition for us; On the one hand all crews are now working day hours. Needless to say those that have been on the night shift for the past 3 and a half months are having some slight sleep issues, shown mostly in how we are handling our down time. But I am getting ahead of myself. first I need to explain why we are working the new day shift, The higher ups in their great wisdom (read complete stupidity) Have decided that our services in this location our no longer needed (incorrect) so for the past week or so, bit by bit we have been tearing down our not so little fuel site. There are a couple of upsides that come from this decision, we will be moving further south which is technically a "safer" area. Technically but not actually, (truth be told the insurgents don't actually care where we are, and if they want to get our attention they will go where ever they please) Another good thing coming from our move, I will once again be in a trailer, although this little tent has grown on me since I first stepped foot in it two months ago. RFG and Barbie will now be getting to live in trailers for the first time which I am sure makes them just giddy, or it would if either one of them were able to get giddy. So back to my explanation as I said we have been slowly been taking the site apart for the past week and Yesterday the decision was made to put the plan into full swing so at 9:00am we all met at the office and piled into our little hummv's and headed out to the site, we busted our little bums for three hours and decided to call it a day (we really had accomplished quite a bit, way sooner than our leadership had anticipated so they let us go earlier than planned) On the way back to our tents I was in the vehicle with Barbie, another Palmdale soldier who from now on will be referred to as "Small Spice" as I am sure she will love that. And another female soldier whom will hither to be known as "So Sexy" (because she is constantly saying how sexy I am, I am almost positive that she is kidding). As I was saying In the Hummv on the way back was Barbie (a boy) Small Spice (a girl) and So Sexy (a girl) and my self and out of nowhere we decided to sing songs from the third grade (I should say we attempted to sing songs from the third grade mainly we mangled them, we sang everything The wheels on the bus, The national anthem, this land is my land, and of course 99 bottles of beer, and a couple more that are currently slipping my memory. So today I think most of us went to work thinking we would be done by lunch, and not so much. We went to work an hour earlier and worked until about 5:45 pm. Don't get me wrong we took breaks and had a decent 35 minute lunch (some took more breaks than others, every time I see someone light a cigarette I want to stab them with a blunt a spoon. spoons should really be used more as a murder weapon don't you think?) Anyway during one of those lows of activity Barbie decided to do a bit of grandstanding by singing to us a selection of different songs (at one point he sang almost the entire Another one bites the dust by Queen) there were other moments of people singing I don't remember all of what they sang but at one point or another today the following people all sang something, Small Spice, The Man with the Big V-8, RFG (while in the shower after work) and of course me... I prefer to sing girly songs. Particularly because it makes people batty. Grin.

Random Fact of the Blog:
Native Americans used earwax as chap stick.... so uh, yeah... yuck. I myself I use Cherry flavored Chap Stick, but that’s me, I'm a rebel.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

You Might Be From The AV If

I realize that is only going to be funny to about half of the people that read this blog and I offer my apologies; I came across this little gem while messing around on myspace, (another blog site where like 5,000 people from the AV have their profile including but not limited to like 10 girls I dated while growing up.) I used to be a pimp; no I can't actually back that up. Thanks to Kristal for providing this.
You might be from the Av if:
You work at the mall and you're late because it takes you fifteen minutes to cross the light at 10th street west and Rancho Vista
You wonder why they keep changing the names of the streets (Avenue P to Rancho Vista, Avenue M to Columbia Way, Funland Drive to Lowe's Drive)
You think the freeway speed limit is 90 mph.
Your high school graduation back drop was a free way and dirt field
You know that a motorcycle cop always hides next to Auto Zone on Palmdale blvd., and has been for 10 years.
The biggest day of your life was when they opened the NEW Wal-Mart and you are now secretly waiting for the grand opening of Super Wal-Mart
You have a Magic Mountain season pass and get it at Rite-Aide
You applied for a job at Magic Mountain
You ever woke to find a wild animal (i.e. a coyote or a bear) in your backyard
You now boast that you have a Water Park in your own city
The day you turned 16 your parents bought you a Honda Civic
As a kid, you played soccer
You know that Lake L.A. doesn't have any water or a lake
You have survived the 138 and lived to tell about it
You believe Survivor winner Brian Heidik is a celebrity
You secretly listen to KTPI Country music
You have one newsman, who reports the news, weather, sports, and entertainment, and attends the same church as you
You watch the news on Channel 3
Your cable bill is as expensive as your cellular telephone bill
When you say you have a gym membership, everyone understands it is at 24 Hour Fitness
The day you turned 16 you parents didn't buy you a Honda Civic and you secretly resented everyone else who had one
You live in east Palmdale, but you make the decision to drive to Lancaster because you would rather go to the good movie theatre and the four extra dollars are worth it (you know this is so true!)
You memorized the graffiti hotline number and have it saved in your phone: 94-PRIDE
You vacation in Bishop
You've been to one Jethawks game and that was enough to last you a lifetime
You know who the Jethawks mascot is
You think that KIIS FM is 97.7
You hate all the DJs from The Edge
Your idea of a good club is Mr. Cues because they don't card
Target is "high end"
You live in Lancaster and you resent the fact that you only have one Starbucks and Palmdale has four
You tell people you're from Littlerock and they ask, "Arkansas?"
Working at Wal-Mart is better than going to AVC
You stood in a 2 hour line to get a free Krispy Kreme doughnut on opening day
You've never tasted a Tommy's burger, but can't wait
You go to AVC and you have a class with someone you went to elementary school with (this is sad but so true!)
Your evil math teacher is also your next door neighbor on the West side
You live on the west side and look down on people who live on the east side
You think all roller rinks have wood floors (Goooooooo Holiday Skating Rink)You have brought your own CD's to the roller rink
You know that "down below" means the San Fernando Valley
You live on the east side and you beg your parents to buy a house on the west side that is needlessly big just so you'll fit in
You have paid $1 to get into movies 12, and bought a $5.00 bag of popcorn and $4.00 coke
You've paid for a movie ticket at the snack bar because there was only one person working there
You live in one of the older houses on the west side, but your zip code is 93551, so it's okay
When shopping, your idea of trying a different store is leaving the eastside Wal-Mart and going to the Westside Wal-Mart
You can remember school and the freeways closing down for 1/2" of snow
You have a swamp cooler
The girlfriend/boyfriend you had a crush on in 6th grade is the same girl/boy you have a crush on at AVC
You get high and go to Denny's at the mall, and seventeen of your closest friends are there
You always wanted to get out of the Antelope Valley, but never did and secretly resent those that got out
You got out of the Antelope Valley and hate yourself for secretly missing it

So that is that, I got the coolest package today from some friends of RFG it had a lot of good snacks and stuff but the thing that made it even cooler was the completely random Playboy from 1988. So yeah whether I just became a perv in all of your eyes or not, you have to see the humor in that. I was 8 years old when this magazine was published. Turns out that even 18 years later the women are still naked and very attractive. But of course I only read the articles. I am a man of principles after all. And if any of you believed that I have some beautiful beach front property in Nevada I would love to sell to you at a great price. Have a good one....

Random side note:
I didn't own a civic until I lived in Germany, and it was purely because everyone I knew in high school had one. And even 3 years out of high school I still wanted one.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Disappearing Act

So I must apologize for my impromptu disappearance I worked the past three days straight. I had a choice not to work on my day off. But as it was Super Bowl and one of my fellow soldiers wanted to watch it, and I had no vested interest in either team. (Although I have to admit I am happy the Stealers won, I mean if you’re going to lose in the play offs you might as well lose to the team that will win the Super Bowl) So Go Pittsburgh or whatever. It is a little odd to me that the first sport I've actually shown any interest in happens to be the one with the fewest amounts of games. And to make matters worse the team I like the best is historically one of the worst teams in the entire league. Am I just the most screwed up guy on the planet or what? So other than work I really haven't done anything other than sleep the past three days. I have managed to answer a few emails in the twenty minutes before I go to work. And of course I have managed to purchase three movies; one has to have his priorities. I wonder if I tell people a little too much about myself, I mean we are all supposed to have secrets right? So what if you don't want to have secrets or if you have so many secrets and you want just one less. It has come to my attention that it doesn't matter how large one person is he can very easily disappear. People say things in front of me all the time as though I am not in the same room let alone the same building. Which can be good and bad, I learn the most interesting things. And I learn bad things. All in all I think it is rather funny. Now if only I could learn to disappear when I go flying through those silly speed traps. Tickets are expensive.

Random Quote Of the Blog:
"You know what they say about youth today they are all self obsessed lazy numb nuts who have lost the capacity to think for themselves"- Rube Dead Like Me

Friday, February 03, 2006

Too Much Information...

I have this amazing ability to be able to do something stupid at least every other day. Which while it makes for good reading is slightly upsetting. I mean how can one man be so very stupid. So yesterdays amazing act of stupidity is probably going to have you all laughing at me, so in advance I want you to all know that I will personally smite everyone of you if this little embarrassment is brought up at any date after today. I'm pretty sure that I shouldn't be sharing this because I know most of you will continue to laugh until it hurts. Oh well, here goes... So yesterday was a little boring I was watching Charmed and I took a shower around 1100 am, when I got back to the tent I was pretty much exhausted I had been up since 5pm the previous night, so I took a little 5 hour nap before I had to go to work. Woke up, changed into my uniform and left for work (hold your horses you'll see why this is important in a few seconds) I spent over half my shift with out any problems went and picked up our midnight chow (lunch for the graveyard folks) and when I was finally back and comfortable I realized I really had to pee, (this is going to be too much information, but you wanna laugh you have to listen to all the nitty gritty.) Anyway I went to one of our little port-a-johns and unbuttoned my fly and I couldn't uh find the opening. I wear boxers because, well because there comfortable. Ask yourself do you really want to know any more? And boxers have this nice little opening to let one relieve himself in a somewhat faster motion. (Basically all I have to do is unbutton my fly and I can pee with out going through allot more work.) Isn't sharing fun. So the reason I couldn't find the opening, yeah my boxers were on backward. And here is the kick in the pants (so to speak) I spent almost 14 hours wearing them that way and I didn't notice. And that is only where the fun began. Some how after fourteen hours of no problems I couldn't go 5 minutes with out it driving me kooky, kept trying to readjust myself and I was just very uncomfortable. So then I started trying to think of where I could go in order to fix the problem. Keep in mind in order to fix this problem I have to be essentially naked at one point. Naked on the outside of the secured perimeter, not exactly something I was in a hurry to rush into. But as I said I was very uncomfortable, so I went into one of the connex's as far from the office as possible, (wouldn't want someone to walk in and see more than they were looking for.) so there I was all naked, and as quick as I possibly could I fixed the problem. I went back to the office and no one was the wiser until now. The things I share...sigh!

Random Birthdays of the blog:
Happy BirthDay Haji,(FEB 4th) and Screaming Testicle Man (dont ask!)(feb 3rd)

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Reasons We Push It...

I am sure I have mentioned this once or twice but if not here it is again... I work outside the secured perimeter; for lack of a better description we basically run a fuel point on a Main Convoy route through Iraq. The reason I bring this up is because Last night on the way to our little point our vehicle ran out of fuel. Now before I get to the heart wrenching part of this I am going to give you an opportunity to laugh at us. I mean we run the darn point for goodness sake, apparently the shift before us either thought we had enough that it wouldn't be a problem or just didn't bother to check the gauge before they left the point. Whatever happened, the vehicle ran out of gas a little less than half a mile from the point. Now it isn't that we had to push it. (Infact a couple of people asked why didn't we just walk up to the point and get the other vehicle to drag it.) At the time it didn't really look all that far away... It turns out that pushing an up armored HUMMV is much, much, much more difficult than either of us realized. We did do it though. (Which explains my sore lower back and legs) There we are pushing this behemoth of a vehicle at something like a mile an hour I’m sure, everyone that we have told so far has asked us a hundred common sense questions like: Why didn't you walk up and get the other two to help you push? What about the other vehicle? Didn't anyone stop and ask if you needed help? And the answers we gave: We thought we could make it. It didn't really seem that far. We weren't sure if we had the required items to be able to tow said vehicle. And No, no one stopped and asked if we needed help. I want to say thank you to Miss Rebecca Bradford for the Valentines Day Package and for the cheesy snacks... yum

Random Fact of the day: The Male Seahorse carries the baby to term! When a female deposits her eggs (about 200) into his pouch, he carries the eggs in his “belly” until they hatch. Each pregnancy lasts about 2-3 weeks. Length of pregnancy varies with species and water temperature. Once the male gives birth, he usually becomes pregnant again right away. How's that for Affirmative Action?