Saturday, October 29, 2005

News and Reviews

I came across an article when I first hopped on that I thought I would bring to all of your attention... This article is an excerpt from the Associated Press:

ALISO VIEJO, Calif. - A 19-year-old in a black cape and helmet went on a shooting rampage Saturday in an upscale Southern California neighborhood, killing a man and his daughter before committing suicide, authorities said.
The teen shot a 45-year-old man and his 21-year-old daughter to death in their home, said Orange County Sheriff's Department spokesman Jim Amormino. A 20-year-old son escaped after hearing shots.
The shooter, whose identity wasn't released, then walked across the street and fired into another house. A person inside suffered cuts from broken glass, Amormino said.
Another neighbor heard the commotion, came outside and was confronted by the teen, who tried to fire his weapon. When it misfired, the shooter went back to his own house — less than 100 yards away and committed suicide, Amormino said.
The motive was unknown. Police said there was no known link between the teen and his victims. The victims' names were withheld pending family notification. Aliso Viejo is a small, affluent community near Laguna Beach.

The reason I bring this article to your attention is because I believe that it is going to blamed on the recent flux in comic adapations, as many of you know I am a very large fan of a certain Friendly Neighborhood Spider. Hopefully you will see this blog before your nightly news, if you happen to come across it, could you give me a few more details??? On a more depressing note I bought a couple of movies recently and yesterday I was opening one of them preparing to watch The Stepford Wives... The 2004 adaption and as I opened that ever so annoying bit of shrink wrap a nail file was hidden in the case..As I inspected the case further I saw a little sticker that advertised the nail file..Now here is my question... Would a nail file make you more likely to buy a comedy thriller? I mean I am a little femme but this I just don't undertand. By the by I saw that independent thriller Open Water for the first time yesterday. I really didn't think it was as horrible as a lot of people said but the ending was just atrocious****movie spoiler*** how are you going to spend over 28 some odd hours just floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, and then just decide to give up... Yes I know her husband was already dead. I understand that to some people living life alone isn't worth living, but come on I have to cry bollocks. Yes, it is very romantic and a wonderful gesture after she FED HER HUSBAND TO THE FREAKING SHARKS..... and another thing how the hell do you not have everyone on your crew responsible for keeping account of your passengers..I mean twenty people is just too small an amount of people to let a simple thing like a miss count jeopardize anyones life. And who the hell waits until the next freaking day to clean up the boat??In all actualality that boat had at least two or three trips to the same location the same day being as it was a luxory resort and the locals soul income is derived from all the tourists and there ever present I want it now attitude... Is it obvious I've been thinking about this for a couple of hours??? As far as NEWS around here we had a nasty little sandstorm yesterday, and just for a change of pace it tried to rain a little as well... At the same freaking time.... This country has some serious weather issues. I forgot to mention that a couple of days ago i had the oppurtunity to stab someone.... hmmm let me explain that a little better... I am a certified Combat Life Saver which is basicly a glorifed EMT with way less training and materials... the other day in the gym some guy went into a seizure which we have deduced was probally due to too many supplements and not enough water (a common occurence around here) So i gave him an IV (or "stabbed him" as I am ever so fond of saying) of Saline fluid which is supposed to help hydrate silly soldiers.... Now soldiers do the CLS's a favor, drink your water it really is in your best interest.

Random Quote of the day..... "White people like Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumble look like Malcolm X"- Negrodamus, The Chapelle Show

Thursday, October 27, 2005


I think I fell into an exhaustion coma yesterday afternoon. I watched The Bodygaurd, went to the Gym, again. On purpose again. And then I after I took a shower and turned in my laundry it was 300 pm I didn't want to be late again so I thought it would be a good idea to go sleep in the office... I WAS SO VERY WRONG. There are not very many of us here at Duke but somehow I managed to be with one of the people I religiously avoid under normal circumstances. He isn't in my platoon so normally I don't have to put much thought into avoiding him, but alas he is in maintenance and was assigned to help us with our pumps and fork lift, or whatever. Now don't get me wrong he really isn't all that bad a guy.... He is however a very typical guy. He is very loud and very opinionated and refuses to admit when he's wrong... ( we have had a run in or two in the past) regardless I'm not defending my dislike just trying to help you understand it a little better. The point of the matter is that the 4 hours that he was there he did nothing but make obnoxious noises and try and wake me up... Much to my credit I ignored him... But let me tell you I was seething..... Anyway after he finally left I slept a good 8 hours solid..... And now the vicious cycle will repeat itself once again.... So on to happier things... As I was in the shower yesterday I realized I'm a primper... I was in there forever, it wasn't as though I wasn't doing anything, quite the contrary... I showered, and then did my facial wash, and then I put on lotion, and then I shaved.... At least I didn't pluck my eye brows... (which reminds me I haven't done that in ages I look like a Marx brother for crying out loud...) So officially I shouldn't be here too much longer. Someone way up high decided the civilians could do our job and so we get the metaphorical boot. I haven't decided whether or not I'm happy about this latest development... On the upside... Certain individuals well be getting on my nerves a lot less. But they wont have trailers where I will end up, and to be honest I am sick to death of all this moving nonsense... Just stick me somewhere already.... Don't fret, the Address will stay the same...I was wondering if anyone has any questions for me??? Feel free to leave them and I will be sure to answer them in the the next available blog... Well I'm off to breakfast... And then a movie and the gym... And then a shower... How exciting am I???? Carpe Diem

Random thought of the day: Smile you never know whose day you might make a little brighter, and if you don't want to smile... Shame on you..... I'm telling.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Just A Quickie

So once again I spent an entire evening playing video games.... Oh and I want it on the record that I am not whining about my living conditions.... "Running for God" seems to think I don't appreciate my trailer I am so very happy that I am not living in my tent like so many of my unfortunate co-workers.....(like "RFG" for example, as well as the Sexy Idahoan....) I believe the Mexican has a trailer as well unfortunately the Damn Mexican hasn't felt the urge to email me.... ( I am shooting a if looks could kill vibe via the Blog) so yeah I actually did a little work last night... And I unlocked like every character in the Marvel Nemesis game I have been playing.... Man I am getting so predictable... So after breakfast I am going to watch The Bodygaurd For two reasons, the first being I can not get that darn song out of my head.... I managed to even annoy myself... And the second reason because that was Whitney prior to being all cracked out and she was just pretty as all hell... Hmm maybe I'll even go by the gym again today... I hope that everyone out there is having a blast in all the far away places... And I hope to write more tonight....

Random fact of the day: Running for God, The Sexy Idahoan, and the Mexican.... Are not my friends real names.... Their real names are much more boring than that... In all Fairness they refer to me as The Fat One, or fat guy... Or hey you... Shrug.

Sleepy Forces

I did something today that I promised I would never do... Not on my own accord anyway... No I didn't take a life... No I didn't kiss a beautiful sleeping woman (why? What did you hear?) I went voluntarily to the gym and worked out... Please hold your gasps until the end of the program... So yeah I have no idea why but for some reason I decided after work this morning that I should go run a little on the treadmill... After I ran my little heart out I decided I should do some push ups and sit ups (60 each. I am an animal) and then as I was walking towards the exit I decided to do some light weight reps (my arms hurt like the dickens) so lets see I suggest that you all go out and rent She gets what she wants It has that girl from Coyote Ugly and it is very funny. Oh yeah I bought a little 13" TV/DVD combo set yesterday so that I could watch a movie and or play some xbox. I bought like 7 movies and pretty much all of them are chick flicks.... eh what can you do? It has come to my attention that I have like the worst grammar. eh, sie la vie... I have an address if you would al like to jot it down... It will be sent to Scania and then eventually on to us... If there are any changes I will be sure to update you all

Spc James Brooks
528 Qm Co.
Camp Scania
Apo, AE 09331

I have been spending the last few days trying to get my sleep schedule in some kind of pattern... And so today I went to sleep around noon the only problem was that I didn't wake up until almost 730 which is no good because that meant I was way late for work.... My Boss told me I was the Platoon Leader of the Sleepy forces... Which I suppose if you take in my whole Sleeping while driving and my almost narcoleptics like sleep habits is understandable, The sleepy forces joke is kind of a running joke one of my young soldiers is always talking about how he wants to go SF (special forces) Which if you know this kid is just the funniest damn thing on the planet. So yeah I spent the entire night last night playing video games I have no job.... It really is very sad... But I hope you are all doing well and I will talk at you more soon...

Random Question of the day... I have only counted 1976 body parts... So uh, where the heck is Lever 2000 getting the other 24?????

Sunday, October 23, 2005

So about those NO-Doz

Ahhh Camp Duke,
So here I am deeper in the Iraqi Desert and I am freaking freezing... It's one am and I have finally gotten access to the internet. I have been here officially a day and a half. Today the internet has been very touchy but I am told it has been down for three weeks. Which translates to There maybe long periods of time where I am not able to post... Let me tell you about Camp Duke, I don't technically have a job I am working a twelve hour shift from 1900 hundred hours (that's 7pm ) to o700 am. Tonight is the first night I am actually on shift and instead of playing the very cool ultimate spider-man game... (OHMYGOD it is very cool I broke a guys back over my knee playing as venom and then I threw him off a twelve story building BY HIS FREAKING HEAD) So yeah it is safe to say I will be buying that game very soon.. The makers of San Andreas will be heart broken I'm sure... Any way as I was saying... Instead of playing Spidey I am bloging all of you... Ahhh your Special.... You know you are... So back to the camp... Attention Fellow Wright Worlders (which consists of the two sovereign countries of Graham Nation and The Peoples Republic of Murcia) The rumors of Dukes Defac have been greatly exagerated... I am living in a trailer (although as you can tell by my hours I wont be sleeping there very often) the trailers here are not like any others I have seen very very tiny... But it isn't a tent so I will stop my bloody whining...The Convoy here was largely uneventful with exception that I kept nodding off... Which wouldn't of been so much of a problem EXCEPT I WAS DRIVING... Explain to me how you can be driving full battle rattle (meaning all the gear you could be possibly be wearing) have a loaded semi-auto weapon with a round in the chamber driving at 55-60 miles an hour down an unfamiliar road, with three other soldiers in the vehicle all of which out rank you The highest being an E-8, how do you doze off... Amazingly they only caught on once ( I zigged when I should of zagged) luckily I made up something about checking the gauges...Sometimes I amaze even myself... My theory is that when i was young my parents must of put me in the car to get me to fall asleep... Parents are you doing this to your children... If you are consider the lifelong effects.... grin.So yes I will fill you all in more as the days go by... No snail mail addie as of yet they aren't sure how long we will be here so they are being timid I should know with in a couple of days...

Random thought of the Day... I'm sitting in the middle of the Iraqi desert on a computer... And I'm moaning about lag time... Shrug.....

Friday, October 21, 2005

Soldier on the move

Well your favorite blogger has officially landed in Iraq... oooh ahhh... so currently we don't know where our final destinations are. We are supposed to find out sometime later today. The Plane ride here was uneventful although there was a lot of things happening before and after the flight... our team was split into different groups and then they were each assigned a different flight... and in true military fashion someone of higher importance took precedence over one of the flights and jumbled the whole system. Which translated to we still have some on ground in Kuwait... Only one out of my little group was affected by the whole snag, but my feeling is that it is one too many... So mainly all we have done since we touched down is watch movies and go to briefings... today was chalk full of very boring briefings. and one action Movie... I made the Mexican and the "sexy Idahoan " sit thru a great chick flick last night. It was in theatres a couple of months ago... The Perfect Man With Heather Locklear and Hillary Duff... it happens to be the inspiration for this very blog. I suggest to all you ladies out there to check it out it really is a great mother Daughter flick... Needless to say i was verbally flogged for making the guys watch it. Shrug... I will expose them to more than sports if it takes my dying breath. So here is a slightly morbid thought The Mexican and I were talking about earlier There is a track on the post i am currently on and it is named after a Soldier who passed this previous year and as we were walking back from chow at lunch today I begged the Mexican to make sure if God forbid anything happened to me not to let them name an exercise field after me... (you can't get much closer to the opposite of my me memory) So he swore he would dedicate a theatre in my name... time is short more when I am able....

Random thought of the blog.... Sand reflects darkness almost as well as light.... shrug...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Games People Play

Everything seems to be calming down here, which can only mean things are going to start to get very stupid. After a little under a week and a half we are all fairly adjusted to the climate, or at least we are sweating a little less. That could be from either the amazing amount time we spend online typing our blogs (at 5 bucks an hour for the internet I should start charging you all to read this.... hmmmm, nah... All my friends are broke...) Except I am the only one that spends as much time as I do in here... Most others find themselves in one of the three afore mentioned MWR areas.. Today as I was playing scrabble with the "Sexy Idahoan" (as one anonymous commentator referred to him) and the Mexican. I began to notice that this is one of the few places on Earth you would see so many grown Adults playing what are otherwise thought to be children's games... As I said The three of us were playing Scrabble (I won Both games nah nah nah nah nah...) the table behind us was playing Uno and there were groups playing Life as well Monopoly... and of course there is the ever present Ping Pong tournaments, as well as chess and checkers... There is a lot of Spades being played as well... The point being it was kind of refreshing to see how soldiers spend there down time when they are so far away from the children that they used to play with, both literal as well as metaphorical. So yeah if you have been paying attention you will know that we should be moving North soon... So I apologize if you had started getting used to having a new blog every day or so.. As soon as I am able I will post again, but as of right now I am not to certain when that will be. So the last three days haven't been too hot but man the sand has just been moving. The sandstorm I predicted ended up hitting off camp about a hundred or so miles, so mainly we have just been getting the over spillage of light sand and annoying wind. So for the past two days I have been trying to deal with the fact that I am one of the more favored people in my squad, as it turns out that has only led my annoyance, so the Mexican and myself decided last night that I'm going to go on pretending no one likes me... It worked in the past right???? Hope you are all well and I will talk to you on the flip side..
Random fact of the Day: I own nine different pairs of Spider-man Boxers... Grin....

Monday, October 17, 2005

And now for something completely different.

I'm starting a pattern that I hope to avoid in the future, I am sorry but once again I don't have all that much time to write as much as I would like. So I believe we might experience our first Sandstorm in country in the near future. Obviously it wont be my first ever sandstorm. As for a lot of people this is a very bad thing. The sand over here is truly a living thing... I often think of The Mummy movies when ever the mummy was trying to attack you would see the huge wall of sand and his face in the sand... The last time I was here we had some truly vicious storms... Apparently we aren't in the season for the really bad ones but we are heading into the rainy season. Oh Joy... This entire country becomes one giant mud hole not as fun as it sounds... If you would like to do an experiment get yourself some flower, powdered sugar, brown sugar and regular granulated salt... Mix it all into one big light brown mess and then get it wet and watch what happens. No really right now get off your lazy bum and go do it. It's your house you pay the bills have some fun with the stuff no one else is obviously going to need. So yeah I cleaned my weapon last night and againthis morning it turns out... No matter how many rounds you fire your weapon is destined to et very very dirty... I always try and be like Gump and take my weapon apart all fast... But it turns out there are a lot of little tiny pieces that go missing and are a pain in toucous (it means butt) to find. If I lose them I can't fire my weapon and then I can't defend myself and others when and if it is necessary... So no fast taking apart and putting back together in real life. So yeah everyone is once again waiting on me... So I have to make this short. Apparently I have been losing weight out here so I guess that's good maybe I'll find a nice girl during leave... A pleasant thought.

Random thought of the day... Apparently I am very well liked in this unit... Who knew???

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Short and Sweet.

This is going to be pretty brief. I just returned from a two day training exercise. We practiced and learned a lot of new and familiar techniques. We had excellent trainers (most of them were retired Soldiers of one degree or another.) We actually had a lot of fun it really was possibly the best training i have had in the four years i have been in the Army. Now of course there were some mishaps... Soldiers shooting live rounds in not so happy directions, Soldiers breaking down and full tilt weeping about how they dont feel like a person because of the way they are treated. and of course a lot of frustration over the whole hurry up and wait. by the way we do that a lot and we have since we first joined, at first we thought it was just a new soldier hazing kind of thing but it turns out the entire army is run in the same manner. Which i like to refer to as Bass Ackwards... just so you know there were not any serious injuries... there were a couple of Brass burns (when a spent round that is evaucuated from the chamber lands on exposed skin) and one 9mil bolt injury uh watch CSI they explain it way better than i could. so yeah more in the near future....
Random Thought of the Blog: male peacocks are the pretty ones.... who knew... :)

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Melting Pot

I want everyone to relax. The earthquake and the aftershocks in Pakistan have not had any effect on your soldiers in Iraq. Quick Geography lesson I am in Kuwait which is a very small coastal country that is slightly smaller then the State of new Jersey, Kuwait borders the Persian Gulf, Saudi Arabia and Iraq, Pakistan borders the Arabian Sea, between India on the east and Iran and Afghanistan on the west and China in the north, Pakistan is a little less then twice the size of California. In order for me to get to Pakistan I would have to travel through Kuwait into Iraq through Iran and then into Pakistan. Not gonna happen. The odds of me feeling an earthquake happening in Pakistan while I am in Kuwait is similar to Miami residents feeling a Cali Quake. I'm sure that all of you have probally figured out by now that a wide variety of very different people join the military. People from every different walk of life are represented in each and every soldier... I am constantly trying to remind my soldiers that while their issues and problems may seem huge there will always be someone out there with a bigger problem. Recently it has been brought to my attention that a couple of the people I work with enjoy portraying the victim. It seems that no matter how bad a situation is for someone there are a select couple of individuals who have it worse off.... A rather grim example one individual is often heard spouting is this... Lets say we are talking about our Families Back home and I brought up that I hadn't spoken to my father in the last eleven years, and that the man who raised me for the first 10 years of my life was a horrible person, Our victim would say "You should be thankful you had the choice to be treated poorly, my mother was shot in a firing squad along with eleven others by my cousin while he was fighting for the revolutionaries." It gets more graphic in detail and in pity, but I think you get the idea. Our other victim is much more of a never accept that she could be wrong kind of person, If you call her out for being in the wrong uniform or for setting a bad example instead of accepting that she'll say "Well you forgot your beret two months ago and you used my car so you could go and retrieve it." She is currently my problem child.. Or I should say she is one of many. My leadership has been trying to send her to a different platoon (she was passed to us about three months ago) but no one is willing to put up with her crap she is currently one of two women in the female tent that have the entire rest of the females trying to get them moved out of the area... A ton of fun... I don't want you to think that I am under the impression that I have no short comings I am very aware of them.. infact I tend to bring them up quite often. But I also understand that we are here to do a job (even if we don't actually know what that particular job is) and there is a time and place for everything. So onto fun things I have been familiarizing myself with some very large and very powerful boom sticks recently (boomstick is what the people of the 12th century called Ash's weapon (a shotgun) in the movie Army of Darkness which is the third movie in the Evil Dead trilogy.)
I have been playing with fully automatic large caliber machine guns as well as fully auto grenade launching crew serve weapons... Isn't that grand... My friends and I have decided that I have superhuman like reflexes. Today Idaho was trying to hit me for mocking him about something petty and as he went to hit me, I turned just enough that my weapon which I have on my back caught the full extent of his blow... He ended up busting his knuckle and I didn't feel a thing... And the lesson he learned don't hit the Fat Guy... Or if you are going to hit him distract him first.... More to come
Random Fact of the Day (courtesy of Snapple) The Official State Dance of Washington is the Square dance.... Go figure

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tears for Fears

There are a few rules you are expected to know and follow when you find yourself stranded in the desert. They are basic fundamentals that are more common sense than anything else, Rules such as conserve water, try to avoid travel during the hottest part of the day... And never travel alone. There are 0ther rules as well but they are escaping me as of right now. The reason I bring this little bit of common sense to your attention is to let you understand how very quickly that things that seem so simple, become so confused. For the the last three days that we have been in country my unit has been attempting to acclimatize to the surrounding climate, they have been doing this mainly by sleeping in their mildly air conditioned tents and drinking a lot of water. Yesterday our leadership in a moment of obvious lucidity (read insanity) decided that between the hours of 10am & 2pm ( the hottest part of the day) we were not aloud to be in any tents, or other air conditioned buildings. Now I understand that you aren't going to adapt very well if you don't subject yourself to the conditions of your surroundings, but it seems to me there is a better way to go about it then just dropping you in the thick of it. Enough ranting, so the title of today's blog is a non sexual double entendre, (it has more then one meaning) It has come to my attention that a lot of the soldiers both male and female deal with with their fears and frustrations by giving in to their emotions, now please don't think I am implying that these people are weak by any means. I am merely commenting on their choice of dealing with their fears and frustrations. Over the last three nights I have awoken to a number of different muffled sniffling and an occasional light sob. The more I look around the more I realize I am surrounded by soldiers who a little over 1,2 and three years ago were still in high school. It is truly a testament of the pride of our nation has been handed to a younger generation. That isn't to say there aren't a few of us that are a tad bit older, I am nearly 26 and out of roughly 70 odd people I'm like the eighth oldest, there are five or so that are in their late twenties early thirties two in there late 30's 1 in his early forties and the rest are all under 22. That is just in my platoon... If you look at the face of our military it is of a young soldier... The point of all this really really boring information is that once again our country is being defended by its children. The second meaning of the title (and the reason it is capitalized) is Pv2 Fears this soldier is making me looney he is one of our newest soldiers and by far one of the biggest problems, he is 31 years old and has pretty much run his life how he felt for most of it... Fears hasn't quite adapted to the military way of life as of yet. So basically I find myself constantly pulling my hair out because he has chosen to do the opposite of what ever it is we are supposed to be doing... He really isn't a bad guy but he has a huge issue with authority and respect. On a completely different note I was recently the victim of a horrible theft while I was sleeping a friend of mine decided to help me keep cool by SHAVING ME BALD.... Obviously I didn't sleep through it but once the damage had started I let him finish it... So now I am as bald as the day I was born... Sigh.... Hope to hear from some of you soon.....
Random thought of the day: Sex is a lot like the game of Spades, if your partner is no good you had better have a great hand.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Welcome To The Suck !

Well I have officially set down boots in the middle east. I will be here in Kuwait for about a week and a half, give or take. So let me tell you about our trip... We arrived at the unit on Thursday morning at 0345, we had our first formation around 0415 and then we spent the last bit of time we could with our families, or that is to say the people with families spent time with them. I mainly hung around like that little puppy on the cartoon with the two dogs. There were a lot of tears... But I am happy to report that I managed to stifle any that I might of had. So after about an hour or so of the family togetherness people slowly started to drift to their homes and leave their soldiers to the task at hand. We rode over to the Air force base on buses and began the very long wait... Around 1145 am we boarded the plane and flew the first leg of our 17 hour flight. We were lucky enough to be on a commercial flight so we were able to watch movies... All fairly new.. Mr & Mrs Smith, The Fantastic 4, and others. Yeah I slept... Not very deeply but I slept. Once we arrived in Frankfurt Germany we had a 3 hour lay over so we made phone calls and played cards. How boring was this trip.....??? On the way to Kuwait the mood on the plane was obviously a little more subdued... Normally when a plane lands there is a little bit of applause for the pilots... You know the obligatory thanks for not crashing clap... Not so much on the Kuwait landing.... There was a slight groan but otherwise a general acceptance of the Job at hand... We had a like five hour wait before we could get busses to take us to the inprossecessing camp where we will spend the next one to two weeks, give or take, After a couple briefings and in introduction to midnight chow.... (and yuck) we wandered back to the tent and managed to catch a few hours of sleep before first formation this morning... So yeah there is a movie coming out sometime this week that I suggest you check out... Even though it takes place largely in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait during Operation Desert Storm it might give you an Idea of our life over here... Now keep in mind it is a movie and its a movie about Marines so the actual situations are not things we will be dealing with as frequently as the characters in the movie. So don't let it worry you... The Movie is JarHead one of the first lines when the reach the middle East is Welcome to the Suck ! Which I happen to find very fitting. Not to many other things are happening as of right now I will keep you all updated as much as I can... Annie I sent your computer like two weeks ago. I haven't been ignoring your, IMs my name has been logged on one of my friends computers for like 5 months.... I haven't used it in ages.... I hope you are all in good health and hope to hear from you soon....

Random thought of the day... Airplane Chicken tastes nothing like actual chicken...