Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Poem, An Epic WWII Game And The Chess Champ

Because I haven't done so in something like 3 years, I wrote a poem today. In all honesty it has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of days, The poem is more of a confession than a composition. The under lying story is true, it did happen. I think this is sort of my way of trying to get some kind of closure, but then it could just be me venting in a more structured way. I usually have a strict policy against poems that rhyme, because for the most part they always seem very fake to me. I am offering this poem to all of you in hopes that you will remember a mistake you made, maybe not a mistake from a long time ago, maybe the mistake you made yesterday that left you starting to feeling guilty this morning... I will not apologize for my mistake. I will do my best to learn from it.

Walked Away

I opened my heart to you one day,
and you walked away,
I bared my soul,
you walked away and left a hole.
I told you there was more growing inside of me than fear,
you weren't there long enough to hear.
All my secrets you knew from the first day,
without hesitation you walked away.

It's been said before that you are nobody until somebody loves you,
So I have to ask who am I if I am one minus our two?

It was no secret the first time we met,
Our fates on separate paths were set.
You broke a promise to a man I'll never know,
And I was nothing more than a guest star on your show.
I played father to your son,
And in all honesty that was truly the most fun.
and still, within less than a day,
almost effortlessly you walked away.

Two years later my heart is still a constant flutter,
I can hardly mention you name with out a stutter.
Everyday a memory slips through the wall I've built.
most of them happy, some dripping with guilt.
In twenty-six years of life, I've always done the right thing,
In my entire life you are my one wrong doing.
Our time together is my favorite mistake,
and proof that one can not have and eat his cake.
All I wanted was for you to ask me to stay,
In reality it was I who walked away.

I make no excuses, I except all the blame.
Without you nothing has been the same.
I begged and pleaded to hear three simple, incredible words.
Now I would give you the world to go back to the way we were.
Go back to before that day.
Before I walked away
A.J. James Brooks 2006

I literally have had nothing to talk about for the past couple of days, all we have really done is play board games for disgustingly long hours... I have played two games of Axis & Allies that lasted over 14 hours each. (I always play Japan in that game it drives Barbie crazy he said it's unAmerican, LOL) I have played 3 games of chess. The first and last of which I completely obliterated my opponent (Barbie) Although in his defense he spanked me in the second one and had me on the run for a long time in the third. Although only I can claim to be the Chess Champ! We are set to finally move to our final destination sometime tomorrow, which means another fun little convoy... This one should only take about thirty minutes or so, which means it should go off with out a hitch... (one can hope) and now I must say good bye. I don't normally beg for comments but I would truly like to know what each and everyone thinks of this poem. Does it sound apologetic? Does it sound needy or whiny? Can you feel my underlying pain? Do you think less of me now that you know one of my greatest mistakes... Tell me what you think....

Random fact of the blog
52% of men will cheat at the first opportunity, 88% percent of woman will not cheat unless there is something lacking in their relationship.
77% of percentages are made up on the spot! Grin!!!!


Flewelling said...

You know, i never really liked poetry. I've written my fair share of it, but that's just my complex thought process writting abstracts that other people think are cutting edge.
I didn't think it sounded so needy or whiny (although i don't know the exact situation. i can make something up, but who knows if i'd be right). Maybe more pain, maybe apologetic.
Anyways, hope you're doing good adam.

dr. fish said...

adam.. hahaha that did always amuse me that i was the only one to call you james. made me feel special and keep that crown and pedistal. yeah i like the poem. seems good considering i know the situation that it revolves around.

Gram & Gramps said...

No, it isn't whiny or needy or apologetic. It does make me feel your pain, so much so that it brought tears to my eyes. It also makes me think more of you, not less. You are much stronger than you want to admit and your poem is the proof of that.

Remember, a while back, Gramps said he thought you should be a writer. This is the proof of that. He hasn't had a chance to read your last few blogs because of his tight schedule but he will probably want to comment when he does have time to read them.

Lots of love. Keep safe


Gram & Gramps said...

I just finished with a client and found Gram finishing her comment.

After reading your poem, I feel that it proves what I said before. "You are a gifted writer."