Wednesday, April 08, 2009

How to stop being in "Love" with an Ass Hole

This particular blog has less to do with me and will be written more as an interesting approach on how to get over that black hole that is your heart. 

   The truth of the matter is that there is no "get out of Jail free" way to get over someone. When you pour your heart and time and emotions into a guy (or girl for that matter.) It is an investment. The fact that what ever they did that you once found endearing and that you now find absolutely the most annoying habit for any person to have ever possessed. Doesn't change the fact that if you see them doing it for someone else, it is going to sting a little.  (And what the hell does he/she see in him/her anyway they are obviously Uglier/more hairy/less mature/heavier, fill in your idiom. ) 

  I have found there are three main types of break-ups; the ones I cause,  the ones I initiate and the ones that feel like a sucker punch from the Linebacker of the Varsity football team. Let me explain the difference between the three.
     TYPE 1 The Ones I cause: 
(a) Forgetting important dates. (No our first hug is not an important date!")                                   (b) Teasing in a non-loving way (It doesn't matter how funny it might seem to say  "It isn't your pants that makes your ass look fat, It is your ass." This is not the proper way to build a long lasting relationship. 
(c) Showing my lack of compassion about things you care about. (I'm a guy, as it turns out, it rarely bothers me when your bangs wont cooperate.) 

   TYPE 2 The Ones I Initiate:
(a) Cheating (There isn't really a need to explain this one, is there? If  he/she puts his/her tongue or any other part of his/her body in a boys/girls orifice that is not yours, the Relationship is considered forfeit) 
(b) Greener Pastures ( If he/she thinks the grass is greener in someone else's yard.... good riddance! This includes anything longer than a glance at an attractive passer by.)
(c) Double the fun. (Dating more than one girl at a time is technically cheating, but it seems so common lately i thought it deserved its own sub-division. If he/she isn't completely committed to a single person, odds are they are not looking for a single person.)

   Type 3 The Ones you don't see coming:
(a) Drive by dumping. (you think everything is fine, and then it's over, usually if you were unaware of any of type 2 they tend to lead into type 3's) 
(b) Parental Guidance.  (Like it or not, if the Parents aren't fond of you, they will not let your partner forget it.) 
(c) Boredom (This one cuts you deep, in my experience.)

  Now that I have walked you through the various ways you could have ended up in your current situation.  I want to give you some advice on how to get over this A-hole. If you are a Type 1 or Type 2 break up, odds are you initiated the break up... and most of the heart ache is numbed by your pro-active approach.  For those Type 3's out there, the road ahead is a rough one, just know that you are not alone on this road, many preceded you and many will follow.'

  Getting over the A-Hole in 3 easy steps...

  Step 1...
  Get Rid of their Junk. (That article of clothing you slept in/with those nights to remind you of their scent, will only bring negative memories and emotions when you find it three weeks from now at the bottom of your laundry basket.)
  Step 2
Get out and do something. (avoid couple centric locations, your best bet is to get a group together and go bowling or dancing or go play pool, anything to keep you out of your room, and your head.) 
  Step 3
See new people! (The best way to get over an ass hole is to meet a nice guy/girl. I know it sounds simple but most of us after a bad relationship just want to hide in a hole. get out there have some fun...) 

The simple fact is the best way to get over an ass hole, is to move on. So many of us reminisce back to the better times and up dwelling on where it all went wrong. Life is full of heart aches, the trick is finding the one that is worth crying over that doesn't make you cry.

I want to thank Laurie Cook for helping me get over the Ass Holes in my life. 

Random Fact: This blog was inspired by and dedicated to Hayley G Hoover.



hayleyghoover said...

Okay, so, here are my notes.

1) Very well-written. I'm impressed.
3) I'll try your ideas and get back to you.
4) :)

ADO said...

James, that's one of the most amusing posts I've read in quite a while.

And I'm pretty sure I misspelled "amusing". Damn it...

sp.ajay said...