Thursday, October 02, 2008

The Worst First & LAST. De-Classified

First and foremost I should fill you in on how this terrible date came to be. It really wasn't like something I sought out to do that day. Last wednesday was the inventory as I mentioned and an outsourced company came and counted our entire store. One of the counters was complaining about the halloween area, i was near there and started cracking jokes.  Before I left that day she walked by me and handed me her number chicken scratched on a scrap piece of paper. Honestly who am I to say no to a number, after not having a girlfriend in over a year, never mind having not even gone on a date in that long,  especially when I didn't ask for it..  any way we texted back and forth for the last few days and talked on the phone once. we decided to have dinner on Tuesday night. The following bullets are a basic run down of the evenings downward spiral... I could go into more detail on some points but already my mind is hard at work at blocking this painful and disturbing small event from my minds eye. 

Mind you thew following information will probably sound judgmental at times, if you don't like it don't continue to read it. 

She was staying at a hotel with her staff of forty five (they travel all over the northwest to conduct inventories on stores similar to mine.) When I got off of work I went home I showered I put on clean clothes and did normal pre-date prep. (oh and there was that whole internet killing time thing i did.) 
   According to her own confession she didn't feel the need to do more than change her shirt, "It isn't like you saw me in these jeans earlier anyway." 
   When we went to dinner at Red Robin we both ordered a five alarm burger, She requested a Dr Pepper and I requested an Arnold Palmer (Iced Tea lemonade mix) I took great pains to keep as much of the burger where it belonged as possible, she was not as attentive. I made subtle hints that she had managed to get food all over her face, she did not grasp the subtlety, after directly mentioning said food she said "eh, i'll get it when I'm done more will just end up there anyway." the conversation was more or less pleasant with a few minor exceptions, and then we left the restaurant..
   We had about an hour before the movie started (which was bad timing on my part) so we went for a small walk where she burped in more manly a fashion than I will ever be able to replicate and five minutes into our walk she announced she had to fart, and did so, loudly. The announcements of the Flatulence and The burping and the actual occurrences continued on through the evening. At this point i started making small mental notes for the obvious blog post that this date was fated to become.   
   After our walk we decided to sit on the tailgate of my El Camino and continue our conversation, which at this point was more than awkward. it was at this point when she sat down that her pant leg raised and something caught my eye, i wasn't quite sure what it was so i jokingly pulled her pant leg up a couple of inches at which point she proudly proclaimed that she didn't believe in shaving her legs, and hadn't done so since she was 16 when she  nicked herself rather badly, (mind you she is 23) After moving passed the gag reflex we finally went in and began waiting for the movie to begin, 
  Now at this point most of you should know that as far as I am concerned we are in a Holy Place, If the usher even pretended to read scripture i would attend services more religiously than your average holy sanctioned pedophiles. (Hmm sorry that joke was in bad taste but i saw an opportunity and had to go for it.) The only thing she did wrong at this point (aside from dumping the popcorn not once not twice but three times) she was loud and disruptive through the entire film. 
  After the movie i took her back to her hotel and pulled to the front entrance and did not even put the car into park while waiting for her to disembark my vehicle, "Aren't you going to ask for a good night kiss?" she asked.  I replied with what can only be described as forced politeness "I didn't want to be rude." and as she moved in for a kiss I ever so slightly moved my head a quarter of an inch so that it was a peck as opposed to an actual kiss. 
  I then drove home and crawled into bed as fast as i was able. 
  The best part of this is that after this whole ordeal i received a text yesterday thanking me for such a wonderful evening and hoping we could do it again sometime. I have to ask were we on the same date? 

Random detail I should have mentioned. : The Film in question was Nights in Rodanthe, based on a book by the same author who wrote the Notebook and A Walk to Remember. His name is Nicholas Sparks.

1 comment:

killersmile said...

Ew that sounds incredibly crappy. Sorry you had to go through that! How was Nights in Rodanthe, by the way? I enjoyed The Notebook (book and movie) and A Walk to Remember (movie) and was thinking about whether this one would be any good or not.

My worst "date" was my only date; a double with my best friend, her boyfriend, and a guy I liked in eighth grade. We went to pizza and the entire class pretty much followed us there and stalked us the whole time. It was awful (though doesn't sound like it was nearly as bad as this; at least I liked the guy).