Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Happy Halloween or Satan Tastes Trees!

You would not believe how stiff and sore I am right now. My shoulder keeps popping, and my hip needs to pop but it wont so it is currently a constant source of pain. This past Saturday my house hosted a Halloween Costume Party. I think it went pretty well, it was amusing if nothing else and it definitely went better then the party the week before which I pretty much avoided as much as I could. This is due mostly to the fact that most of these parties are populated by pre-twenty something’s and barely legal drunkards. Last weeks party ended with a short yelling match between my self and another roommate at 4 in the morning, She and her guests were being louder than I thought was absolutely necessary at that particular point in the morning. The part that annoyed me more than anything else was that my roommate was one of the loudest of the group and yet one of her guests was shushing people for over 2 hours. How sad is it when your guests are more considerate than your roommates? So after a mildly uneventful week (There was some mild drama with a former girlfriend, but everything worked itself out in the end.) As stated previously we had a costume party Saturday evening, I think that we are very lucky this party could have easily grown out of control. We were lucky that while people were constantly arriving, less than half stayed for the whole party. It seemed as though every time I looked up from what ever drunken person I was monitoring, there was an entire ocean of faces I didn’t recognize. There was a girl dancing in her bra which as you know is never a bad thing. There were quite a few skimpy costumes, and even a few that showed people actually put effort into their costume, my costume was more of a prop. I had a giant magnet with little baby chicks sewn to it, I.E. “A Chick Magnet”. The costume worked out really well for me because it allowed me to dress normal and I didn’t have to wear a mask. (With the possible exception of my Spider-Man mask, I pretty much do everything in my power to avoid wearing anything over my face, I would like to pretend it’s because of how hot it gets or because I don’t like when my face gets all sweaty. But I think we all know it’s because it’s harder to shove food in my face through a latex mask.) The Roommates Costumes were as follows, Down Stairs consisted of an adorable Raggedy Anne costume (by far the cutest costume of the evening) A very Sexy Bat Girl, and what I’m guessing was a topless male roommate. (He had no shirt a majority of the evening, but no other identifiable costume to speak of either.) Upstairs we had a Sexy Witch and a Vivacious Vampire. As well as the previously mentioned Chick Magnet of yours truly. As to the reason why I am so sore this would be because of a guest appropriately dressed as Satan, His girlfriend was the previously mentioned girl dancing in her bra. Satan apparently had too much to drink and spent about an hour and a half outside vomiting, I informed the topless wonder about his situation and she went out to help him, we then spent the next hour trying to convince him to go up stairs and go to sleep on the couch that I had prepared for him. This is the point when things started getting rather stupid. The whole time he was crying and vomiting and basically blubbering like an idiot. All the while telling her that she should leave him, she could do so much better than a guy like him. (The obvious fact that I agree with him could go with out saying.) He kept saying he couldn’t walk because he was going to vomit again. Then after an attempt to pick him up he ran past the back yard and down the hill behind our house. (I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but our house is on the front Acre of a 7 acre spread. The Hill behind our house is more or less a 60-70 foot downward slope. Covering the entire slope are these thick thorny low bushes… and they are very thorny!) Satan slipped and fell (as it was raining earlier in the day.) slid a good ten to fifteen feet down into the thorns, being eloquent as most drunken fools are he commented on his situation. “It’s all pokey down here…” (If I’m lying I’m dying.) His girlfriend (by the end of this particular evening should have been nominated for the Girlfriend of the year award.) followed him down into the thorns. Mind you he is fully dressed in a long sleeve shirt, full pants and huge freaking boots. She was in a sleeveless Tee (about in hour prior to all this excitement she had put her shirt back on and given her bra to some guys who were plotting to embarrass the unfortunate fellow who had the misfortune to be the first person to pass out at the party, in women’s undergarments and in permanent marker about how much he enjoyed the male anatomy.) pants and socks. Yours truly was wearing an under shirt, a button up short sleeve a pair of jeans and flips-flops. Obviously falling down the thorny blackberry hill wasn’t high on my list of things to do… but sigh, what can you do.? In my defense I watched them from the top of the hill for a good ten to fifteen minutes, because well thorns hurt and I wanted as little to do with them as possible. But he was continuing to be belligerent and then when she finally had decided to give up on him, and come back up to me she started removing his very real knives… Apparently he had four of them on him… (Can you imagine how annoyed I would have been if I was trying to help this guy and he stabbed me? I mean honestly… Sheesh!) As She was removing his knives he started pushing her and trying to hit her, this is where my concern for her outweighed my concern for the thorns. I climbed/slid/fell down to them and some how managed to get my left leg caught in a hole underneath his body while my right leg was at an uncomfortable right angle around the girl. I helped her as much as I could, for this I received not one, not two, but three swift kicks in the chest, with his very heavy boots… (Thank you ever so much Doc Martin…Sigh) I put my over shirt on the girl because she was freezing and then did my best to pull this guy up the hill, mind you with him fighting me the whole way… Now an important piece of information that hasn’t been given at this point is Satan’s Physical appearance. When standing he was between 6’1” and 6’3” and easily 230lbs, our sleeveless sock less wonder girl stood at 5’3” and maybe 95 lbs soaking wet. He fell again and the girl was in tears so I hit him in the gut and told him that we were going up the hill whether he liked it or not, at this point in a partial moment of clarity he stood up and scaled the hill, I half carried the wonder girl up to the top and then went after him fearing he would run out into the street at the front of the house. I caught up to him (five points for the agility of the fat sober guy) wrapped his arm over my shoulder and half drug him to the front door, his girlfriend and I made a couple of attempts to get him up the three steps to the front door but being the arse that he was he made it very difficult, he threw her off and flailed his way out of my grip, At this point I was fed up and hit him solidly in the jaw, followed by a shoulder tackle into the Evergreen hedge bush things (They are like 10 feet tall and we have a 15 foot wall of them in front of the house upstairs. And two days later you can still see the imprint we made.) He was trying to get up but he was completely stuck underneath me with my elbow under his jaw lodged in his throat. This is when he said the funniest thing I had heard the whole night, in a very whiny and pathetically strained voice he said “I taste tree!” It took everything in my power not to burst out laughing at that point. I pulled him up and after much less struggle managed to force him inside and onto the waiting couch. He spent the remainder of the late morning in his girlfriends arms clutching a pink bucket with which he continued to vomit into, to her credit his girlfriend stayed by him the whole night running her fingers through his hair and comforting him as he whimpered. At one point before I headed to bed, she looked up at me and mouthed that she had to use the restroom, with a heavy sigh I helped her wiggle out and took her place holding his head and basically being their for him, she returned a few minutes later and we did the wiggle once more. Four hours later she had to wrestle him out of bed as six of the people that had stayed the night all had to be to work. I remained in my warm bed with a less than warm smile across my lips. When I finally did get up I saw some of the after math of the night before, I am guessing they didn’t have enough time to clean up after themselves, so his pink vomit bucket was in the middle of the room. (As you can imagine the living room reeked to high hell!) On the lighter side there were pieces of the tree all over the couch and floor. I’m guessing he was rather covered in tree parts. Cleaning up after the party was highly amusing and didn’t take too terribly long, some how there was Pico de gallo all over the kitchen cupboards and in the bathroom as well. I think I have rambled on for long enough I hope you all Have a wonderful Halloween. And I’ll talk at you soon.


Random Fact of the Day:
On October 31st after the crops were all harvested and stored for the long winter the cooking fires in the homes would be extinguished. The Druids, the Celtic priests, would meet in the hilltop in the dark oak forest (oak trees were considered sacred). The Druids would light new fires and offer sacrifices of crops and animals. As they danced around the fires, the season of the sun passed and the season of darkness would begin.
When the morning arrived the Druids would give an ember from their fires to each family who would then take them home to start new cooking fires. These fires would keep the homes warm and free from evil spirits.
The November 1st festival was called Samhain (pronounced "sow-en"). The festival would last for 3 days. Many people would parade in
costumes made from the skins and heads of their animals. This festival would become the first Halloween.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

a chick magnet humm, one night a year you can be what you are not.

Mr. Brooks said...

Happy Veterans Day James.

Veterans/Remembrance Day - The History
In 1918, World War I ended on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. The entire world celebrated. An armistice (a truce) was signed declaring the "war to end all wars" was finally over. The next year, on November 11th, the US called the day "Armistice Day" in memory of all the men and women involved in WWI. On Armistice Day, surviving soldiers marched in parades through their home towns. Politicians and veteran officers gave speeches and had ceremonies in thanks for the peace that had been won.

dr. fish said...

wow... thats quite a night. im sorry you had to go through it. mine was very uneventful. the spouse and i just around our apartment here in hawaii and watched movies. hope all is good.