Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Storage Sheds, A Cinemaholic and He's a She.

I absolutely hate the "There is someone out there for you... you just have to keep looking"and my personal favorite "Trust in God he has a plan for you..........Bull!!!. LOL Maybe He spilled coffee on the plan. and some of the ink got all blurry.(LMAO) If you can’t tell by the way this rant is starting I am feeling a little down about the whole being single again thing. Although to put a positive spin on things my muse seems to be inspired by my misery. (Some writers have beautiful Muse’s who inspire them with happiness, insight and fantasy) See what happens when you put your hobbies on the back burners kids??? To ramble on a bit more about my muse I don’t know how you all picture a Muse, but my general idea is some wispy beautiful woman with light flowing hair, except that when I try and conjure up an image of my own muse I keep seeing that creepy chick that comes out of the TV in those scary RING movies.. LOL (That is an awesome image for anyone who has seen those movies.)
So onto more important things, I moved most of my crap today, although very little of it went on to my new home, ( I ended up putting a lot of things in storage.) I just want you to know that storage type places are a genius way to make money, especially if you are a parent (because you are already used to storing some ones nonsensical crap that you don’t want.) The reason I bring this up is because as I was loading my miscellaneous nonsensical crap into my little 5ft x 5ft cubby, I realized that while I was paying 50 dollars a month for my little hole, others were paying up to and more than twice that for more space, and this one little spot, had something like 4 hundred units at least. Even charging everyone the bare minimum of 50 dollars in netting you upwards of 2000 dollars a month, that is the bare minimum and not to far off from what I make a month now. And I work on my feet for 10 hours a day, and all you would have to do is hand some one a key, they aren’t even liable to protect your stuff, you store at your own risk, so they hand you a key send you to your designated cubby, and then they go back to their baseball game or what ever (I’m guessing the very large woman that helped me was annoyed with me because I was keeping her from her bon bons and “stories” or Oprah or whatever it is that fat lazy people watch at 3 in the afternoon.) and to top it off, if you don’t pay on the first, they start charging fees. ( up to 80 dollars by the 21st and if you don’t pay it then the have the option to auction your belongings.) am I the only person that thinks this whole storage thing is a scam? I mean seriously.... LOL
Moving into the new place is going to be a bit bumpy, i'm not actually able to be there until Saturday but I had to start getting my stuff there as today is the first day off I have had in ages. The room is really small but it will do, the two girls I’ll be living with (don’t get any ideas) seem really sweet and like they both have their heads on right. The house is really nice and it has a yard. So that is really good, the fact that it is only 6 minutes from work is awesome. (And the biggest attraction of all.) So I loaded all my dvd’s up today and you would not believe how many boxes it took me to cart away all my movies, (two huge foot lockers and 3 2ft square boxes.) I am starting to think that I may have a problem. Do you think there is a 12 step program for someone addicted to movies??? Hello my name is James and I am a cinemaholic.
Is it weird that I don’t know how to meet people? I mean I have been going to the movies a lot recently, in fact I’ve gone 3 out of the last 5 times by myself. Whenever I am by myself I try and make conversation with the people next to me before the movie starts. (Loner movie goers like myself know this as the awkward time before the lights dim where everyone can see that you can’t even get a date to go sit and not talk to you.) Usually I make some crack about how they must realize that as the fat person closest to them, I am authorized at least three very awkward bathroom passes where they must get up so that I can get by. (I usually get pretty miffed if people don’t laugh at that comment because while I am not the smallest guy in the theater I didn’t roll in in the electric go cart because I have eaten my self so large that I don’t even have the ability to walk any longer either) but anyway back to my lack of knowing how to move past the corny one liners into intelligent conversation. Yesterday, before I went to the movies by myself, I went and had a massage. (Wow is it me or am I becoming more gay as this goes on?) I was sitting in the waiting room and there was what I assumed was a guy (I’ll explain that in a sec) sitting a couple of seats away from me, and I just couldn’t bring my self to say anything. After a few minutes a very attractive tiny little thing comes in and kicks the foot of this other patron, I assumed that either this was a boyfriend or sibling. And smiled at her and then to the half a sleep person, and got literally no response from either one of them. A few minutes later the little sprite returns and asks me to follow her, so I go into the back answer a few questions disrobe. (Always, always awkward, I have had massages many times and with out fail I am always nervous. It isn’t sexual at all and yet I always have THAT fear, what if in the middle of the massage little jimmy decides to POP up and check out the scenery???? luckily I am usually so stressed about it that it doesn’t happen, not to say it never has, but I digress.) Anyway she starts the massage and is trying to initiate a conversation and eventually after I give up with my yes and no answers we began talking about names. (This happens a lot being as I have so many and I bring up how few my brothers have.) At this point she brings up that she thought her twin sister always had the prettiest name. Until she changed it...... along with her sex. (If I’m lying I'm dying) Apparently the aforementioned patron used to be the sprites twin sister but is currently taking hormones to become a man.... WTF!!! Why do these weird things always happen to me seriously???? So my question is how is knowing this supposed to aid in my relaxation? The reason I brought this whole ordeal up was to share that weirdness with you and to whine about how sore I am, as tiny as she was that little girl was just vicious, my whole back aches... I feel as though I was hit by a truck. she beat the living tar out of me i am so sore, seriously. She couldn't have weighed over 90 lbs and i swear to god I've been in pain all day, god I'm a wimp. (At one point i had to tell her she was hurting me,"ughhh so thats my ow noise."- direct quote. good thing i don't have a very large ego...) Well I hope this not so little rant brought a smile to all of your faces... tune in next time...

Random Fact of the Blog:
One of the common recurring characters of the Sandbox Files has gotten engaged... feel free to try and guess I’ll let you know who next time...

And this should bother a few people,
I waited in line for over an hour Monday night to get a copy of Halo 3, managed to get a limited edition copy, and here it is 3 days later and I haven’t even opened the darn thing yet... mwa ha ha ha, there are people everywhere trying to get a copy and mine is collecting dust.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

when I got a massage, it was about the SEX...Loser